The @-Work Nettwerk
Mundane Tasks and Capitalist Pig-Dog Commands

---

Intro Page Previous Installment Next Installment

This issue's "Golden Cubicle Award" goes, once again, to Ms. L, who has craftily summed up the value of our liberal arts education:
**The guy at the next desk asked, "If 'media' means in the middle, what two things are 'media' between?" I answered.. "Umm.. the noumenal and phenomenal worlds?" Nobody laughed, but I knew I finished that philosophy major for a reason. **

I just discovered that the architects upstairs have a liquor cabinet. Can anyone say Gin & Tonic with my PB & J for lunch? Can anyone say "Drunken Employee Trashes Dupont Circle Rowhouse?" I hope you can, because I won't be able to say anything after another drink or two...

There was a meeting to discuss a company survey in which everybody complained about lack of interaction. So they're encouraging everyone to drop in on other departments and meet people. They're also moving the department I work for to another building six blocks down the street...

My boss told me the other day that he would be out of the office in meetings, but as he was talking to me, a woman picked up on the line and said, "ooops, sorry." That meant he wasn't in meetings, he was having sex. I wasn't sure how to feel about that (particularly if you've seen my boss), so I took a long lunch.

Three words: New Staples Catalogue.

I spent thirty five minutes looking for a parking space, and then a tree fell on my car. It was a little tree, though, so everything is okay.

I had to cut the top off of a piece of white office paper, leaving the remainder in the shape of a square. I thought it was pretty, so I taped it to my door. In the three days of my new temp job, this has been the most exciting moment.

I heard Tone-Loc's "Funky Cold Medina" on Radio K this morning in honor of "Theme Thursday." This week's theme is non-alcoholic beverages. Ever notice the line in the second verse about Tone-Loc feeding cold medina to his dog, resulting in the dog humping his leg (his words)? If you don't remember this song, "Funky Cold Medina" sounds just like 'Loc's other hit, "Wild Thing," with basically the same vocabulary, each song mentioning the other's topic, but without sampling Van Halen, making "Funky Cold Medina" obviously superior. Also, thankfully, to fit in with Thursday's theme, Tone-Loc informs us during "Funky Cold Medina" that, while cold medina is a date rape drug, it is in fact non-alcoholic.

I'm listening to a Cure album. I hate the Cure. I'm reading an article on modern dance: "For him, he declared, 'Fish On The Beach' was about the reclamation of language.'" Also, the guy at the next desk wears really ugly shoes.

Last night I accidentally went on a date with somebody I didn't want to be on a date with, and then I got mad because he didn't try to sleep with me so I didn't get the chance to turn him down. Today I am contemplating therapy.

If I dress plainly, I can pull off wearing the same clothes to work everyday.

Some guy called me up at work to tell me that he needed to talk to somebody else that works with my organization, but that person thinks he's "chicken shit." So I asked the other guy what he thought of the first guy, and he said "he's a real turd."

Volume Six

Today's Godlen Cubicle Award Goes (yet again) to Sara Baumann, whose penchant for historical engagement inspires us all to be our best:
**In the supply room, they ("THEY") keep the Cokes and the Pepsis in the same cabinet, apparently unaware of the volatile situation they are creating. Every day I rearrange the soda cans and have them act out battle scenes. (I get to spend a good 15 minutes a day alone in the supply room.) Today, for instance, there are 14 Pepsis down and only a few Coke casualties. Since Floyd flooded the supply room, the shallow pools of water have added a dramatic setting for the cola wars.**

This morning I was two hours late for work because I wanted to listen to the new CD I bought this morning. So when I got to work, it was time for lunch, so I went and had lunch. I just got back into the office, and nobody is here, so its CD time again!

It's weird thinking about how the news media refers to Washington as a metonym for United States power, i.e. "the Indonesian military have had Washington backing them all these years," when most of those who actually *live* in Washington don't even register on the network of power relations..Also, if you say "Washington" over and over you start to realize how dumb it sounds.

Being unemployed is fun. Today I got up, went to brunch, took a nap, went to coffee, took a nap, and went to a bar. I also eat a lot of string cheese.

The woman at the temp agency who interviewed me wouldn't shake my hand because I'd been coughing.

Remember when I said that $14.00 an hour plus benefits plus three weeks of vacation was the price of my soul? Personnel recently corrected me. Upon reconsideration, it's$13.94 an hour. When I told my supervisor that I found their quibbling over pennies to be insulting (more out of principle than practically), as I don't intend to quibble over minutes, he smiled in an amused and condescending manner. He also told me to start marking the extra minutes I work on my time sheet as overtime.

Yesterday I missed my bus because I wanted to pleasure myself before work, and it took a little longer than usual.

I was bored being unemployed in the Triangle, so I drove three hours to the mountains. Being unemployed is boring there, too, except I drank a lot of cheap wine and played with my friend's roommate's pet snake. I don't have a pet snake at home, so he is trying to sell it to me for $175. I am thinking about it.

Over the weekend I bought black and brown boots. I wore them to work with a skirt today, and I'm sitting here at my computer, feeling like a cowgirl. Yeeeee-haaaaaah!

Today, an office prank was pulled. You see, Stuart comes in every morning wearing sneakers. Then he puts on his black loafers that he keeps stored on his shoe rack under his desk. Well, before he came in today, Gina replaced his loafers with these old purple pumps. Oh boy, I can't wait until he finds out, I mean when he sees these purple shoes he's going to think "Hey, those aren't my shoes. Why those are women's shoes!!" How embarrassing, to be a guy and to have purple pumps in your cube! Man, that Gina is one crazy prankster. And plus, its good to do that kind of stuff once in a while, you know, being goofy is sure oodles of fun!

My boss begged me to come back to work. I told him I was driving cross-country. He said it was a question of priorities. I said I had made up my mind. I don't think he likes me anymore.

Today in the mail I got a little card from a prospective employer saying they'd received my resume. That was pretty cool.

I went to the CFC kick-off meeting. The Under Secretary was there. I got a red cup. I felt as if I had arrived.

Everyday I drop Vill off at work. Well, today I decided to try something funny. Right as I dropped him off, I called him back to the car because "I had to tell him something." Well, when he got right up next to my window, I turned on the windshield wipers and water, and got him all wet with washer fluid. Boy, that sure did make my day worthwhile.

Today I pushed the button marked "3" repeatedly, with various interuptions from "1" and occasionally "2." Sometimes I pushed "4," which was relieving; it gave me a chance to stretch out my index finger a bit.

The strangest thing happened yesterday. I went to work, and the sun was out and stuff. But when I came out of work, it wasn't there. Gone - no where in sight. So I just went to sleep.