The @-Work Nettwerk
Mundane Tasks and Capitalist Pig-Dog Commands
This issue's "Golden Cubicle Award" goes, once again, to Ms. L, who
has craftily summed up the value of our liberal arts education:
**The guy at the next desk asked, "If 'media' means in the middle, what
two things are 'media' between?" I answered.. "Umm.. the noumenal and
phenomenal worlds?" Nobody laughed, but I knew I finished that philosophy
major for a reason. **
I just discovered that the architects upstairs have a liquor cabinet. Can
anyone say Gin & Tonic with my PB & J for lunch? Can anyone say "Drunken
Employee Trashes Dupont Circle Rowhouse?" I hope you can, because I won't
be able to say anything after another drink or two...
There was a meeting to discuss a company survey in which everybody
complained about lack of interaction. So they're encouraging everyone to
drop in on other departments and meet people. They're also moving the
department I work for to another building six blocks down the street...
My boss told me the other day that he would be out of the office in
meetings, but as he was talking to me, a woman picked up on the line and
said, "ooops, sorry." That meant he wasn't in meetings, he was having sex.
wasn't sure how to feel about that (particularly if you've seen my boss),
I took a long lunch.
Three words: New Staples Catalogue.
I spent thirty five minutes looking for a parking space, and then a tree
fell on my car. It was a little tree, though, so everything is okay.
I had to cut the top off of a piece of white office paper, leaving the
remainder in the shape of a square. I thought it was pretty, so I taped it
to my door. In the three days of my new temp job, this has been the most
I heard Tone-Loc's "Funky Cold Medina" on Radio K this morning in honor of
"Theme Thursday." This week's theme is non-alcoholic beverages. Ever
notice the line in the second verse about Tone-Loc feeding cold medina to
his dog, resulting in the dog humping his leg (his words)? If you don't
remember this song, "Funky Cold Medina" sounds just like 'Loc's other hit,
"Wild Thing," with basically the same vocabulary, each song mentioning the
other's topic, but without sampling Van Halen, making "Funky Cold Medina"
obviously superior. Also, thankfully, to fit in with Thursday's theme,
Tone-Loc informs us during "Funky Cold Medina" that, while cold medina is
a date rape drug, it is in fact non-alcoholic.
I'm listening to a Cure album. I hate the Cure. I'm reading an article on
modern dance: "For him, he declared, 'Fish On The Beach' was about the
reclamation of language.'" Also, the guy at the next desk wears really
Last night I accidentally went on a date with somebody I didn't want to be
on a date with, and then I got mad because he didn't try to sleep with me
I didn't get the chance to turn him down. Today I am contemplating
If I dress plainly, I can pull off wearing the same clothes to work
Some guy called me up at work to tell me that he needed to talk to
else that works with my organization, but that person thinks he's "chicken
shit." So I asked the other guy what he thought of the first guy, and he
said "he's a real turd."
Today's Godlen Cubicle Award Goes (yet again) to Sara Baumann, whose
penchant for historical engagement inspires us all to be our best:
**In the supply room, they ("THEY") keep the Cokes and the Pepsis in the
same cabinet, apparently unaware of the volatile situation they are
creating. Every day I rearrange the soda cans and have them act out battle
scenes. (I get to spend a good 15 minutes a day alone in the supply room.)
Today, for instance, there are 14 Pepsis down and only a few Coke
casualties. Since Floyd flooded the supply room, the shallow pools of
have added a dramatic setting for the cola wars.**
This morning I was two hours late for work because I wanted to listen to
new CD I bought this morning. So when I got to work, it was time for
so I went and had lunch. I just got back into the office, and nobody is
here, so its CD time again!
It's weird thinking about how the news media refers to Washington as a
metonym for United States power, i.e. "the Indonesian military have had
Washington backing them all these years," when most of those who actually
*live* in Washington don't even register on the network of power
relations..Also, if you say "Washington" over and over you start to
how dumb it sounds.
Being unemployed is fun. Today I got up, went to brunch, took a nap, went
coffee, took a nap, and went to a bar. I also eat a lot of string cheese.
The woman at the temp agency who interviewed me wouldn't shake my hand
because I'd been coughing.
Remember when I said that $14.00 an hour plus benefits plus three weeks of
vacation was the price of my soul? Personnel recently corrected me. Upon
reconsideration, it's$13.94 an hour. When I told my supervisor that I
their quibbling over pennies to be insulting (more out of principle than
practically), as I don't intend to quibble over minutes, he smiled in an
amused and condescending manner. He also told me to start marking the
minutes I work on my time sheet as overtime.
Yesterday I missed my bus because I wanted to pleasure myself before work,
and it took a little longer than usual.
I was bored being unemployed in the Triangle, so I drove three hours to
the mountains. Being unemployed is boring there, too, except I drank a lot
of cheap wine and played with my friend's roommate's pet snake. I don't
have a pet snake at home, so he is trying to sell it to me for $175. I am
thinking about it.
Over the weekend I bought black and brown boots. I wore them to work with
skirt today, and I'm sitting here at my computer, feeling like a cowgirl.
Today, an office prank was pulled. You see, Stuart comes in every morning
wearing sneakers. Then he puts on his black loafers that he keeps stored
his shoe rack under his desk. Well, before he came in today, Gina replaced
his loafers with these old purple pumps. Oh boy, I can't wait until he
out, I mean when he sees these purple shoes he's going to think "Hey,
aren't my shoes. Why those are women's shoes!!" How embarrassing, to be a
guy and to have purple pumps in your cube! Man, that Gina is one crazy
prankster. And plus, its good to do that kind of stuff once in a while,
know, being goofy is sure oodles of fun!
My boss begged me to come back to work. I told him I was driving
cross-country. He said it was a question of priorities. I said I had made
my mind. I don't think he likes me anymore.
Today in the mail I got a little card from a prospective employer saying
they'd received my resume. That was pretty cool.
I went to the CFC kick-off meeting. The Under Secretary was there. I got a
red cup. I felt as if I had arrived.
Everyday I drop Vill off at work. Well, today I decided to try something
funny. Right as I dropped him off, I called him back to the car because "I
had to tell him something." Well, when he got right up next to my window,
I turned on the windshield wipers and water, and got him all wet with
washer fluid. Boy, that sure did make my day worthwhile.
Today I pushed the button marked "3" repeatedly, with various interuptions
from "1" and occasionally "2." Sometimes I pushed "4," which was
it gave me a chance to stretch out my index finger a bit.
The strangest thing happened yesterday. I went to work, and the sun was
out and stuff. But when I came out of work, it wasn't there. Gone - no
where in sight. So I just went to sleep.
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